Red Flags

Are you dating or in a serious dating relationship? If so, did you know that when your heart is heavily involved you might miss some red flags regarding your relationship?

Consider the following:

  • Perhaps he’s/she’s not what you’re looking for spiritually. But you think, The Lord could really do wonders with him/her.
  • Perhaps his/her ambition and drive to get ahead is a bit lacking. (That’s an understatement.) But he’s/she’s just waiting for the right opportunity to come along.
  • Perhaps the person you are dating has emotional outbursts a bit too often for you. But you think you will be able to help him/her get a handle on that anger and depression eventually. It doesn’t matter that his/her friends tell you the mood swings have always been there and are getting more intense as the years go by.
  • Perhaps the way the person you are dating eyes the opposite sex doesn’t seem to reflect the depth of your relationship. But once you’re committed, he’ll/she’ll only have eyes for you and no one else.
  • Perhaps the way he/she handles his/her finances is a bit scary, especially with all those credit cards maxed out. But you think, I’m sure he’ll/she’ll learn responsibility once we’re married.
  • Perhaps he/she doesn’t communicate very much or share with you on an emotional level. But you rationalize, who would, coming out of that abusive, alcoholic, dysfunctional background? You’ve met his/her parents and in time you expect to fill in all those gaps for your partner and he’ll become a whole person.
  • Perhaps the reason he/she has jumped from relationship to relationship is that no one has ever really cared for him/her enough, been truly accepting of him/her, or encouraged him/her to grow spiritually. You think that: Getting him involved in my church and Bible study should make a difference.

~Adapted from: Wright, H. N. (2004). 101 questions to ask before you get engaged. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers

Gary J. Oliver, ThM, PhD
Executive Director at Center for Healthy Relationships | + posts

Dr. Oliver is the Executive Director of The Center for Healthy Relationships, and professor of Psychology and Practical Theology at John Brown University.  He has authored over 20 books and more than 350 professional and popular articles.  Dr. Oliver has over 40 years’ experience as a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage  & Family Therapist and Spiritual Director.  He leads seminars & workshops both nationally and internationally on a variety of counseling-related issues, healthy relationships as well as Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERI).

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