Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Attributes Healthy versus Unhealthy Relationships

Loving and taking care of yourself, before and while in a relationship.You care for and focus on another person only and neglect yourself or you focus only on yourself and neglect the other person.
Respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to “be themselves.”You feel pressure to change to meet the other person's standards, you are afraid to disagree, and your ideas are criticized. Or, you pressure the other person to meet your standards and criticize his/her ideas.
Doing things with friends and family and having activities independent of each other.One of you has to justify what you do, where you go, and who you see.
Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and compromising equally.One of you makes all the decisions and controls everything without listening to the other's input.
Expressing and listening to each other's feelings, needs, and desires.One of you feels unheard and is unable to communicate what you want.
Trusting and being honest with yourself and each other.You lie to each other and find yourself making excuses for the other person.
Respecting each other's need for privacy.You don't have any personal space and have to share everything with the other person.
Respecting sexual boundaries and being able to say no to sex.Your partner has forced you to have sex or you have had sex when you don't really want to. Or, you have forced or coerced your partner to have sex.
Resolving conflicts in a rational, peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way.One of you yells and hits, shoves or throws things at the other in an argument.
There is room for positive growth and you learn more about each other as you develop and mature.You feel stifled, trapped, and stagnant. You are unable to escape the pressures of the relationship
Gary J. Oliver, ThM, PhD
Executive Director at Center for Healthy Relationships | + posts

Dr. Oliver is the Executive Director of The Center for Healthy Relationships, and professor of Psychology and Practical Theology at John Brown University.  He has authored over 20 books and more than 350 professional and popular articles.  Dr. Oliver has over 40 years’ experience as a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage  & Family Therapist and Spiritual Director.  He leads seminars & workshops both nationally and internationally on a variety of counseling-related issues, healthy relationships as well as Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERI).

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