Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Raising Children in the Technology Age


I’m reading more and more about the potentially negative impact of digital devices and the amount of “screen time” on todays children.  Is this a real problem and, if so, what can we as parents do to constructively deal with it?


Many of you who took an Intro to Psychology course in college remember the experiment where the Russian researcher Pavlov trained his dog to salivate at the sound of a bell because the dog had been trained to associate it with food.

Sadly, many of us have allowed technology to turn us into a kind of Pavlov’s dog.  When our phone or iPad pings, rings or vibrates, we (hopefully) don’t salivate but we do drop everything we’re doing, even an important conversation with our kids, and answer it.

I often see mom’s and dads who are chatting or texting and virtually ignoring the children they are obviously caring for.  There are preschoolers who can’t be apart from their iPad and Grandma’s addicted to Candy Crush.  The ever-present distractions of technology make it easy for us to forget what the “main thing” is and to become slaves to the tyranny of the immediate, and by default allow that to crowd out the real relationships in our lives.

I agree with Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd, Executive Director of the Center for Digital Wellness at Liberty University, who has written that, “We need to be intentional about confronting this ‘digital invasion’ by moving from a culture of distraction to a culture of engagement.  A culture where ‘real’ relationships and conversations become more important than ‘virtual’ ones.”

So what can concerned parents do?

  1. Become aware of you and your families usage of technology. What are you modeling for you kids?
  2. When you’re with your kids pay attention to them. Be present.  Stay present.
  3. Establish your own digital boundaries and be an example for your kids. Limit your own “screen time” and what you allow to interrupt your time with them.
  4. Create digital free spaces in your home where conversation can happen, for example the kitchen, dining room, or the car.
  5. Set aside some “media free” times for conversations, homework, games . . . for being a family.
  6. Ask God to help you be more responsive to the voice of your son, daughter, or spouse than you are to the ping, ring or vibration of a digital device.

In Philippians 4:8, Paul gives a list of things that God says is good for us to focus on.  Ask Him to give you creative ways to help you and your kids “minds dwell on these things.”  Use some of your media-free time for creative conversations on what that might look like.

Gary J. Oliver, ThM, PhD
Executive Director at Center for Healthy Relationships | + posts

Dr. Oliver is the Executive Director of The Center for Healthy Relationships, and professor of Psychology and Practical Theology at John Brown University.  He has authored over 20 books and more than 350 professional and popular articles.  Dr. Oliver has over 40 years’ experience as a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage  & Family Therapist and Spiritual Director.  He leads seminars & workshops both nationally and internationally on a variety of counseling-related issues, healthy relationships as well as Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERI).

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